Does anyone remember my post What’s in your core?!, to summarize, I was so proud of myself for stopping myself in a dream from doing something I so wanted to do in real life … well permit me to laugh hysterically 🤣🤣🤣. You’ve by now probably already figured out that when faced with the situation in real life, I did what I wanted all along after an unconvincing conversation with myself 🤦🏾♀️ … and boy did it cause a chain reaction, the consequences of which I am still suffering😩. Was it worth the trouble … hell no! Was it something I wanted … hell yeah! So I really have no one to blame but myself cos I walked right into this one 😅. Curious about what I did and what consequences I am suffering?! … mind your business 😶.
In any case I had a epiphany today that had me rethinking my life choices or lack thereof. I am a Christian and I believe that God causes things to happen but I have just been reminded that I have a huge part to play, in fact, it’s up to me how my life turns out. I have to do the leg work and God in his infinite mercies gives support. It’s like needing to go grocery shopping but sitting at home and doing nothing … the groceries won’t magically be bought and praying, wishing for or dreaming about the groceries won’t help one bit. I have to get off my behind and actually go through the motions … God plays a supportive role and He can only support when I actually do something. Ergo, I must play an active role in my life. What differentiates us from animals is our ability to recognize futile attempts and adjust our course of action as a result. Passivity is for the birds.
I arrived at this epiphany while waiting to take the exam “luisteren” the listening exam for a diploma in Dutch proficiency. I took the writing and speaking proficiency exams yesterday and today, just after the difficult reading exam, it hit me … I will not magically learn Dutch, even if I live in the Netherlands. “Ik moet blijf oefenen” – I must keep practicing. For too long I have seen Dutch as a subject and not as, for lack of a better word, a way of life. My mother tongue is English and even though and I speak it everyday, I sometimes make speaking/listening/writing/reading mistakes so imagine the mistakes I make with Dutch that I only speak when my colleagues coax me into speaking. Do I have a good command of the language? Yes, but my vocabulary is quite limited. There’s not much more I can benefit from more classes so I’m on my own … Ik moet blijf oefenen. When I wake up everyday, I have to ask myself the same question over and over again: Do I want to be a proficient speaker or am I ok which just getting by? This same rule applies to every other area in my life.
Today, I have asked myself what I want, nay demand, from life and so help me God I’m going to go out and take it!!!!!! Be it my summer bod 2019 or a move to another city or country … I will decide and I will do it!!!!!!!!!!
….. the Kingdom of God suffers violence and the violent take it by force🙌🏾 (Mathew 11: 12)