Have you ever taken a hard look at yourself and not liked what you’d seen? I have on countless occasions and I have consistently found that I lack self control when it comes to things I like or enjoy and I lack self determination when it comes to things I should do. For example, when I bake a cake or open a tube of pringles, I find myself going back to it almost per second, until it is completely finished. Same goes when I start binge watching a tv series or download a new game, I can be at it till late at night even though I have work the next day. When it comes to eating healthy and exercise, I am usually consistent for about a month and although I get very good results, I soon get lazy and return to my unhealthy ways. Same goes with writing and blogging, which I love but often am not motivated to do. I have a long list in my head of things I should be doing better or just simply doing but I think what holds me back most of the time, apart from laziness, is fear and the sense of being overwhelmed by the “task” I am about to undertake. I often rehearse what I should be doing in my head without actually getting off my couch to do any of it 😔. And it doesn’t help that I am my worst critic because instead of getting motivated by my thoughts, I more or less get depressed.
It is often said that the first step to getting over a problem is admitting you have a problem. A close second for me is determining what is in your core. A few months ago, I had a dream that changed my perspective on myself and it has helped, if only a little, to keep me trying and trying again to remain on the path I have chosen for myself. It was a “finally moment” like finally I am home and I can take off my bra or finally I’m in my car alone and I can fart and in this moment in my dream, I remember saying to myself as much as I would looooove this, it’s the wrong thing to do. Even my dream self was shocked at my response to the beautiful scene playing out. I literally had a side conversation with myself during my dream.
Dream self (me, the actor in the dream): You know you want to do this.
Real self (me, sleeping in my bed): I sure do but I shouldn’t.
Core (the center of my being, my conscience perhaps): YOU CANNOT DO THIS!!!
My dream halted at this point and shortly after my mom woke me up with her “are you still sleeping?” question which never fails to wake me up😡. I must admit that I was and still am incredibly proud of how I behaved in my dream. It sounds weird, I know, but to want something so much in real life but not allow myself have it even in a dream because it was wrong ……wowza! The award for excellent display of self control and self determination goes to ME🏆. It’s good to know what stuff I am made of and it reassures me that even when I fail by eating an entire cake in one sitting or leaving my weekly assignments till the last minute or in anything else, I have the power to do the right thing next time. I’ll end this post with a promise to myself that I hope other people can make to themselves too.
I, Adenike Adesina, promise to be good to myself, be true to myself and try each and every day to do right by me…Amen!!
PS: You’re probably wondering what this thing I wanted so bad was that I even had a dream about it. Let me assure you that you’ll never know 😂. I haven’t recovered from sharing my top five most embarrassing moments 🤦🏾♀️. I’m not going to add fuel to the fire.